Many suggest the answer is…ceasing to live in the illusionary dream of separateness.
But what the heck does that mean?
William James in his foundational work, The Varieties of Religious Experiences, noted that the first of four marks of a mystical experience was its ineffability. “It follows from this that its quality must be directly experienced; it cannot be imparted or transferred to others.”
So, I can’t awaken you. However, what I do offer is less an explanation than an invitation. Read along and wonder about your own awakening. My hat goes off to Saja Fendel who published a stimulating article on Medium on nonduality, in which he referenced an image created by Dan Allison. You can find info on both contributors at the end of this article. For now, here is that provocative image.
When I saw this I had a moment of awakening, as the article predicted.
For most of my life I was asleep to this larger reality. ChatGPT offered me the following image as a depiction of the separate self that I was. Think of this as the “illusionary dream of separateness” that I lived in for most of my life. Honestly, I still live mostly, and necessarily, in this foggy world of self preservation. On the threshold, as it were.
When I saw this I had a moment of awakening, as the article predicted.
For most of my life I was asleep to this larger reality. ChatGPT offered me the following image as a depiction of the separate self that I was. Think of this as the “illusionary dream of separateness” that I lived in for most of my life. Honestly, I still live mostly, and necessarily, in this foggy world of self preservation. On the threshold, as it were.
At the time, I stopped reading the dead, white, male, European theologians I had been conditioned to believe were the sole purveyors of the one and only truth. Confused for some years, I was gleefully awakened to the journey I was on by a poem.
Weary of being imprisoned by my conditioning, I tore away at the mental constructs that constricted me. I flew threw the window, as Krishnamurti would put it. I began to experience life differently.
I found that Being itself was flying through me as I flew through Being itself.
There were moments then, and more since, of nonduality.
While I am certainly more awake today than I was, the ineffability yet remains.
I have listened to the podcast Deep Transformation since its inception in early 2022. While listening many months ago, I was introduced to A. H. Almaas and his Diamond Approach.
In all my explorations, Almaas seems to be the most awake of all the living teachers. What follows is some of my take-aways from listening to, and reading the works of this sage.
Almaas informs us that nonduality is not just an abstract concept, but an experiential reality that can be enjoyed in a relationship here and now.
Here are some of Almaas’ revelations.
First — Relationship as Being Meeting Itself
For Almaas, at the deepest level, there are not two separate selves interacting — there is Being meeting itself through two unique forms. You can see this depicted in Dan Allison’s drawing.
Each person embodies a facet of Being (love, truth, strength, clarity, joy, etc).
In a nondual relationship, we are not relating from ego structures (“me” and “you”), but as two who are present, each with a unique Essence, through which Being is knowing itself.
“When you are truly present, you recognize the other as yourself — not as a reflection of you, but as another expression of the same consciousness.”
That same consciousness is Being itself.
So “relationship” becomes the field of play where, though apart from each other, there is a simultaneous awareness of being a part of each other.
Apart and a part at the same time.
Second: We relate Essence-to-Essence.
Through the process of doing our own shadow work, we uncover the conditioning that has formed our separate self-identity.
We stop suppressing that which we have tucked away in the shadows.
We stop projecting our unconscious, unacceptable self onto others.
We get real and allow the Essence of our Real Self to emerge in our relationships with everyone else, and every other thing in creation.
It’s not falling in love. It’s not emotional fusion or merging.
It’s contact without separation. It’s Essence to Essence — apart and a part at the same time.
Third: Love as a Field, Not a Feeling
I’m reminded of Rumi’s famous poem.
“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about.”
Nondual love is not just an emotion — it’s Being’s energetic field — the boundless aspect of Being that reveals unity through differentiation.
A nondual relationship isn’t about clinging or idealizing, but living in this field — an intimate spaciousness where both partners’ uniqueness, both partner’s Essence is fully honored.
“True love is the openness of Being to its own manifestations.”
Fourth: No Self, No Other — Yet Deeply Personal
At higher levels of consciousness, paradoxes and koans become the playgrounds that push awakening.
One such paradox that Almaas emphasizes is that nonduality doesn’t erase individuality. Here is that crazy little string of words from me… again: Apart and a part at the same time.
It’s not an impersonal void — it’s personal Essence transcending and including ego.
Being expressing itself uniquely through each person’s Essence.
In a nondual relationship, you are both nobody and somebody — simultaneously the vast field and the particular expression.
“When there is no self, relationship becomes more intimate, more authentic, because there is nothing in the way.”
Fifth: Relationship as Realization
For Almaas, relationship can be a path of realization in itself — a living mirror that reveals where separation still hides.
The friction, attraction, stress, and tenderness in human contact all serve the awakening of Being to itself.
David Schnarch, the renowned marriage therapist whose work has informed mine for decades, says that marriage is a people growing machine.
When both partners engage gracefully with awareness and inquiry, the relationship itself becomes a dynamic unfolding of truth — a laboratory for awakening, not an escape from it.
Well, that’s a lot of material to digest and I have to once again state the truth — I am still waking up and will be forever.
This relationship between you, the reader, and me, the writer, is itself a laboratory for awakening.
We each awaken on our own, while together.
Thank you for being apart from me out there, and for being a part of me here as we wonder together, separately.
You know the truth. We are each in this together.
This article was originally published on Medium– Dr. Andy Atwood, Co-Founder of Fountain Hill Center
